January 30, 2008

The Hardy Boys

Have you ever heard the running joke about different people claiming to be the fifth Beetle? Well, today I'd like to introduce myself as the third Hardy.

I grew up reading the hardcover Hardy Boys mysteries. These rewritten classics were old even in the 1980's. They were simple and formulaic. Those without nostalgic feelings attached to the series may even describe them as hack writing.

However, I do have nostalgic feelings attached to them. They were special. Quite frankly, they helped me survive the turbulent years of junior high, three years that I have no desire to revisit. The 18 year-old dark haired Frank Hardy and his blond brother, Joe, a year younger, gave me an escape into a magical world where teenagers could travel around the globe and bring international criminals to justice. The books are a bridge back to simpler times when curse words and sex weren't needed as raunchy crutches by feeble-minded writers to tell a story. Though they did contain violence it was clear who wore the white hats and the black. Frank and Joe Hardy (along with Chet Morton, Phil Cohen, Biff Hooper, Tony Prito, et al) weren't anti-heroes...they were heroes.

Perhaps they would been seen as hopelessly archaic by many guys today but I hope several fellas across the nation discover them if they enter those dust-depositories known as public libraries. Frank and Joe Hardy can teach them honor, loyalty, courage, ethics and morals.

The Hardy Boys are calling to wide-eyed teenagers even today. I'll even let any boy who heeds that call to read of their exploits call himself the third Hardy, too.

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By Larry McCallister 0 comment(s) Links

January 18, 2008

I Believe in UFOs!

Tonight on CNN's Larry King Live there is a special on alleged recent UFO sightings over Texas. Among the panel is a local newspaper reporter for the Empire-Tribune who published a story on January 10th. A caption on Larry King Live asked, "DO YOU BELIEVE IN UFOS?"

This may surprise some: I believe in UFOs. Now, let me explain.

People use the term incorrectly. For many folks, a UFO = flying saucer. That's an unfortunate equation. UFO, of course, stands for Unidentified Flying Object. It doesn't mean that it's an interstellar spaceship...the term only means that something is seen in the sky that is not identified. The phrase assumes nothing. It neither credits nor discredits anything. It simply means, "Yeah, I saw something but I don't know what it was."

Yes, I believe in UFOs but I don't believe in flying saucers. I'm not looking for intelligent extraterrestrial life to make contact with Earth. Why?

I believe we are alone in this universe due to theological reasons. However, for the sake of argument, let's assume for the moment that advanced civilizations do live in this cosmos. Nifty! So, uh, how are we going to know?

If we could accelerate a spacecraft to the speed of light of 186,000 miles a second (if that even is possible according to the limitations of physics) we'd only travel 6 trillion miles a year. That's a trifling of a casual stroll in comparison to the truly astronomical distances of the visible stars of our galaxy, let alone the universe. Even if they existed—given the distance—I don't see how we'd even learn of each other.

What are UFOs? Who knows? And that's the point. Flying saucer stories make for great government cover-up conspiracy theories but I'm not buying it.

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By Larry McCallister 0 comment(s) Links

January 15, 2008

Shrink the Television Bugs!


I'm tired of the large bugs on television. I'm not talking about insect shows. Rather, I'm referring to the channel i.d. logos that perch themselves at the bottom right part of the screen. They let you know what channel you are watching, BUT THEY ARE TOO BIG!

My guess is if you reduced their size by 50% you'd still have easily readable logos without all of the irritant factor.

Of real annoyance to me is those garish pop-up ads that channels use to hawk their other shows. How disgusting! Get rid of them! I want to watch the program, not the ludicrous ads that are slung there.

Anybody else annoyed by these things or do I just need to get out of the house more often?

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January 1, 2008

I've Resolved...To Have No Resolutions

I determined for 2008 to have no resolutions because it's a virtue not to lie to God and man. However, I realized that I just caught myself in a logical fallacy.

I resolved to have no resolutions.
However, to resolve to do something is a resolution.
Therefore, I have a resolution to have no resolutions.

It reminds me of the logical fallacy many people fall into when they declare, "There are no absolutes." Oh, really? If they're sure about that then they are saying, "I'm absolutely sure that there are no absolutes." They just caught themselves in a self-contracting statement.

So, I do have one resolution: I've resolved not to have any further resolutions for 2008!

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By Larry McCallister 0 comment(s) Links